


Who are you: saying goodbye

by BizzlRoklyptc



Series: Who are you [1]
Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Amnesia, Car Accidents, F/M, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-19 05:44:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BizzlRoklyptc/pseuds/BizzlRoklyptc
Summary: When a young woman wakes up from a fatal accident she has to live her life from journals and photos.





	1. Chapter 1

I heard the cars crash into one another as my back was turned. There was nothing that could prepare me for it. I was frozen. The only thing I had time for was a loud yelp. “LOOK OUT!” To my own amusement, my voice never came out. I shouted it in my head. I brought my hand to my throat when I realize my voice was gone. When I noticed my hands, they were covered in blood.

Was it my blood??

I began to look myself over, I was covered in blood even over my hands. What happened? I tried to walk away to go towards the crash, the cars were engulfed in fire. Both front ends were completely damaged. I soon found out my legs weren’t working. I couldn’t walk. I felt a pair of hands cover my arms and hold me down, next to come was an air mask. Was I laying down?? 

“Quick, she’s in shock! We need to get her to the hospital.” 

Hospital? Why did I need to go to the hospital when I wasn't the one in the car. 

There were men and women around me checking my arms and my legs. My head and my neck.

"Hello ma'am can you hear me? Do you know what happened ???"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I was struggling. The lady began to open my mouth and stick her finger down my throat. 

"She's choking!" I felt a tube go down my throat as I was resisting as soon as the tube was shoved down my throat, I began to regurgitate violently. 

"Good job ma'am. We will have you in the hospital soon."

Me throwing up caused a bad reaction to my head. Too much pressure gave me a migraine. I couldn't take it. Why weren't these people helping the crash victims. Why couldn't I speak? 

My eyes began to get heavy. I felt a sense of euphoria take over my body. I became relaxed. Sleepy. My whole body felt heavy. I drifted off at ease. Very calm. 

******

I awoke in a room. Lights dimmed. My entire body was on fire. My face was hurting. The only thing I could do was blink. Where was I? 

I tried to gather strength to move but nothing. I moved my eyes around more to gather anything familiar. What was going on? I heard noises in the room, but couldn’t turn my head. I tried to move my arms, to my knowledge, I could move them. 

“Hey I see you are awake.” A voice said to me. My eyes shifted to see who was speaking to me. I couldn’t find them. Seconds after the voice spoke, a face popped up to peek at me. The person was a man, he had bright blue eyes and a nice smile. “I see you are awake. Very touch and go there. I see they restrained your arms, Let me get a nurse for you to take you out of these and this neck brace off.”

Restraints? Neck brace?? I started to panic. I couldn’t speak. Just made noises. Why couldn’t I talk. The man came back seconds later with a woman. “We need to get her comfortable, take out the feeding tube, the neck brace, and un-tie her from the bed. I am not sure why she had to have those, she can’t communicate with us like this. “

The man walked up to me and smiled again. “Don’t worry Hayley, we will get you up and at least talking soon.” I watched his eyes. He meant it. That didn’t explain what I was doing here. The man left and 2 women came up towards me. “Alright sweetie, we are going to undo all these nasty wires and get you bathed and ready for the doctor.”

First thing they did was untie me. Then the feeding tube. I tried to speak my voice was completely gone. Next they took off the neck brace. One of the women mentioned bruises up my neck and my face. “It is a miracle that you are here alive Hayley.” 

The next thing they did was help me get to the bathroom, they took out my catheter. I believe I was on the potty for 10 minutes. I had no strength so they needed to help me up and in and out of the bed. My legs were like spaghetti. I also noticed I had straps on my legs, connected to theirs. Why wasn’t I able to walk on my own??

Once I was emptied and freshened up, the lady nurse put my hair in a big braid. She complimented on how soft my hair was. After all the washing and brushing and care they took of it, it would need to be. 

1 hour or so later I was placed in the bed with clean sheets. I was bandaged up in certain places. I sat up awaiting the doctor. Right on time, as the nurse mentioned. He showed up. He didn’t have on a white coat like all doctors have. HE had a clip board in hand. 

“She is very responsive but she isn’t talking. I think she may need some water, so we brought her a cup. If you need anything, let us know.” The two nurses left and it was now me and this man. 

“Good morning there Hayley. How are you feeling?”   
I opened my mouth and tried to speak. 

“You still don’t have a voice huh. Well, we can just write down things how is that? Do you know where you are??” 

The man handed me a pen and notebook. “Yes. The hospital.” 

“Very good, Do you know what city you are in?”  
“Orlando, Florida.”   
“Good guess Hayley, you are actually in Ft. Lauderdale. The crash happened in Orlando, but you were transported to Ft. Lauderdale.”

My eyes widened.   
“Crash?” I squeaked. The man looked at me. “If you can’t speak you shouldn’t have to, utitlize that pen and paper for as long as you can. But yes. You were in an accident. I won’t ask much on it but I will tell you that you and the other person are doing fine. The other victim suffered two broken legs, cracked ribs but they are alive and well.”

I grimaced at the idea. Two broken legs?

“Your accident surprisingly didn’t leave you without any memory. You will have a hard time remembering the incident but little things about your life you will remember. Can you tell me how old you are?” 

I cleared my throat. “Where is my dad?” I asked.   
“Your dad? I am sorry Hayley but you and the other person in the car were the only survivors...were you in the car with someone??” 

I nodded. “I was...leaving my dad’s funeral...and I had his ashes. I was headed to the ocean to spread them when-.” I was cut off by a image of a truck speeding my way and crashing into me. I blanked out. 

The man must’ve known how scared I was, he scooted closer to me and placed a hand on my arm. “You are fine. The accident wasn’t your fault. You and the other person are alive. There was no one else in the car with you.” my eyes shifted towards him. He looked very concerned. As if he knew me.

"Who are you?" I asked him. 

"A very concerned person. Now. I've contacted your husband and he should be here in a few days to come see you."

Husband ?? I was married? I looked down at my left hand and seen a tan line where a ring should have been. "Where is my ring?"

The man came over to me and showed me a box. Still holding onto it. "I will be the first to tell you that you wont remember things outside of your actual life. Things like your mom dad siblings are all there  
But other things like your husband, your dog. Things added to your life are part of your other memory bank. But don't worry. I heard you have a nice support system back home." 

I let the box go, just as I did I noticed a picture of myself and another person. I wanted to reach for it but the box was taken away. 

"How long have I been married?" I asked.   
The man began putting things into this box and sitting it aside. 

"You're a newly wed actually. Married 6 months ago." "How long was I out?"   
The man came over and sat next to me. "1 year..Hayley. You had a bad incident and you've been in a coma. That's why you needed a feeding tube and a neck brace. That's why the nurses had to help you to the bathroom. You haven't walked in 12 months… and you may not ever."

I caught that last part. "Ever? What do you mean?" I pulled the blankets back and tried to feel my legs. The man stopped my motion. "Hayley.. please. Dont. You've been through so much. Just. Wait. Can you trust me?" 

With all this happening, he was the one I woke up to and I felt a sense of security. Of course I could trust him but what isn't he telling me?

He never let my hands go. I gripped my blanket firmly. "Are they still there? I cant feel them." He nodded slowly. "Yes..they are still there. You will have help learning how to walk again. And braces to help. A wheelchair and a Walker. You're strong. But it'll take a lot of patience." 

I talked with him for hours. It was like he didn't want to leave. I didn't want him to.   
"You know. You know my name. But I don't know yours… "

The man smiled at me. "My name is Brian. Nice to meet you Hayley."

I smiled through the pain I felt in my face and body. Brian made sure I had the proper medicines and care before he decided to go. 

"I will be back tomorrow morning to help with physical therapy ok? Here is my number. Your phone was tossed from the accident. You should have a new one tomorrow. I can bring it if you'd like ?" I nodded whole staring at his hand writing. "Sure." The smooth strokes of his name and his phone number seemed familiar. But it didn't register. 

"Thank you Brian." He gave me a smile and headed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days I recovered well. Physical therapy was hard. My legs were weak. My entire body has not been used in a long time. Very little movement tired me out. I had a lady nurse with me along with Brian. She was smaller than I so it was difficult for her to hold me up with the leg brace and back belt. 

"You want to do what??" I asked sitting in the wheelchair. Brian held up a belt and brace. He insisted on wearing them so that he could hold me up as I walked. 

"No way..I think the nurse should." I resisted. With no energy I couldn't for long. I had failed. 

The nurse smiled. "I'm taller than you but I have no strength. Go on. Let him help." The nurse helped me put on the brace over my legs. She also put the brace around my waist to connect to Brian's belt. "Be sure to tell him if you feel any discomfort."

I sat in the chair waiting on the signal to stand. The nurse gave a 'ready' motion with her hands. And with a swift motion Brian picked up my upper half and held me in place. He stood behind me and wanted me to walk forward. We stood near the wall. "If you feel like you're going to pass out, tell me I'll catch you and pick you up. Got it?"

"Got it." I was ready. I had only been awake for 100 hours. What was the worst that could happen?

As I tried to lift my legs, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen area. I let out a shriek and went limp. Brian was there to catch me. "Hold on there. Looks like your muscles could use a massage before you actually start to walk. I guess it's too soon."

Brian led me back down to the chair and unhooked us. He leaned into me reaching for my belt. He smelled of dove soap. 

The smell sparked a memory but without a face. More like a laugh. A male laugh. "You smell good." I said to him. Brian came back to me after unlocking the belt to my body brace. "Thank you. Did you work up an appetite?" I nodded but slightly. I hadn't eaten solid foods in over a year. And within the 100 hours I only had soups. Shakes. Jello. 

I was starving. Nurse mentioned i lost a lot of weight and muscle mass. So not only physical therapy but I needed to be on a diet to gain weight and to build muscles. I definitely had my work cut out for me. 

***

Over the next few days my routine was set by the nurses and Brian. Mornings I would exercise in the pool. Afternoon I would write in my journal about the things I had done that morning. Meals consisted of pureed food until I was able to keep jello down. We worked our way up from jello to oatmeal to add some thickness to help me get full. Soups for dinner. Milk, water and ensure in case I didn't want food. 

Night time schedule after dinner I'd have to walk the halls with my walker, while a chair followed behind me. I was very slow and weak. Today was the day I could see my bandages. I could also get an actual bath instead of a scrub down in the bed. I wish I hadn't. I didn't even recognize myself.

Trails of bruises that were once there. I had a stitch across my stomach, lower abdomen. Almost pelvic area. I noticed tattoos on my side ribcage and inner arms. My hair was down to my shoulders. As I watched up in the tub, the water ran warm over my legs. I started to hear laughter. But it was my own and the laugh I heard earlier when I smelled Brian. 

Was this another memory I was having? About 45 minutes in the tub I needed help out. I was dried off and clothed once more. Assisted to my hospital bed. Once I arrived, Brian was there waiting for me. with bags.

"Good morning." He piped with a smile. Every morning he brought me flowers and a note to read before bed. The bags were clothes to where during the day. Once I made it to the bed, he helped me get situated. While I covered myself with blankets, brown handed me two boxes. "One is your phone, the other is a journal. From your husband. He's away on business so you'll have to do with his writings."

Brian also handed me my chart. "Figured you should know what happened. Would you like me to read to you?"

"Read? No you don't have to, if you don't want to."  
Brian pulled up a chair to get comfy. He started to tell me about my chart first. 

“Your name is Hayley Sosa, age 36, height 5'4 weight, at the time of your accident was 180 lbs. You were 8 months pregnant." Brian stopped reading. 

"I was? As in? What happened to the baby." 

I didn't feel a disconnect. Just more confusion. "I don't know. It doesn't say anything here..look Hayley until you're better there isn't much I can really tell you. Your chart has been altered until your memory comes back. That could take a long time."

Brian looked at the paper more. There was something he wasn't telling me. "Brian you have been coming to see me for days now…. Tell me."

He took in a breathe. "I will find out where he is and do what I can Hayley. Should I read on?" 

I agreed. The chart notified next of kin in line if anything were to happen. 

"Says Kevin is your next of kin. Should I give him a call?" I was confused. "So someone next of kin has not been notified?"

I was upset but still in a daze. Other than the nurses, I didn't get any visitors other than Brian. "No..because of your condition they wanted to have a mutual party involved. So they called me."

"Alright. When can he come and tell me about my life?" Brian laughed. "Believe it or not the both of us can. It's just a matter of what you should know that won't scare you or cause you harm. I won't allow anything to traumatize you Hayley." 

So that was settled. Brian needed to call kevin to have him take place in my recovery as well.

***


	3. Chapter 3

The next few months I would be in my own hospital room. More so decorated like a hotel room. The bed was bigger. Seemed more like a home. I felt at ease. 

I had the journal with me to read. I haven't touched it since Brian left it.

Page one was an intro to me.

Dear Hayley, 

It's day one of our lives together. I cannot believe you said yes to me..to be my wife. I love you so much. This next chapter in our lives may be a test but know that you and I will always make it together. 

I continued reading. I didn't feel anything. The way the pages were written seemed to be for someone else. I didn't feel like it was for me, but for the woman that was not in the car crash. 

Around 2 o clock Brian managed to make his way to my room. I was alone in the room reading the journal. Whomever my husband was, he never managed to sign his name. It would just say, “I love you always, your heart” and that was it. After Brian came into the room, a man followed him. 

Once he saw me he started to get teary eyed with a smile. His smile reminded me of Brian’s.   
“Kevin this is Hayley. Hayley, Kevin.” As mentioned on my chart, Kevin was my family. Nobody said how we were family but he was there finally and I was pretty much happy.

“How are you feeling? I mean, God, I am so glad you are okay.” He came up to me and gave me the biggest hug I had ever had. He squeezed me sort of tight. I couldn’t breathe. He had a smell to him as well. Nothing that triggered a memory but he spoke soft to me while holding me. “You are very blessed to be alive girl.” Was all he said. 

Kevin sat in the chair next to the bed. In his hands he had another book. “These are photos of you and your family, your childhood photos.” I took the book and set it aside. “Have you heard from my husband?” I looked up at Brian and he never said a word. Kevin hung his head. “You’re not well enough to speak to him yet. He loves you very much. You will see him soon. I promise.” 

That was that. I had no choice. Why couldn’t he just pop up? If I knew his name or remembered him I could just call him myself? Instead of beating the subject like a dead horse, Kevin told me about himself and about how we knew each other. We had mutual friends. Very good friends. Kevin considered himself a bigger brother to me, just like towards everyone else. “If you need anything you call me. OK? I mean it. When do you get outta here??”

I leaned back in the bed, awaiting for the medicine to take over. “I am supposed to go home in about a week, then I can see my baby… should be a year old right? That is what Brian said.” Kevin looked at me with another soft expression. As if he wanted to cry. “Yea, the baby is a year old. When you are walking and able to move around, I will take you to see him.” 

The tension in the air grew thick. Brian didn’t say anything in the back of the room. Kevin didn’t even acknowledge he was there. My guess was that Brian wanted to make sure Kevin could be trusted with my condition. He came up to me and hugged me goodbye. “I will see you later. Call me if you need me anything Hayley, I am serious.” I nodded in his grasp. “I promise. Thank you for coming.” Soon after, Kevin left. I was in the room with Brian again. The temperature in the room was freezing. 

“You’d think with all the sick people they would give us all blankets.” I said snuggling up to the pillows. Brian came up to the bed and sat in the chair. His evening routine with me. When I would get ready to take a nap, he would get a pillow and get comfortable in the chair. Falling fast asleep just like before. 

*****

1 week later, I was able to go home as long as I had my sessions with the nurse. The hospital gave me contacts of a new nurse. Her name was Leighanne. She knew Brian really well and decided to help me out as well. Kevin called her. She also knew of how to get into contact with seeing my child. I was beginning to think my life was falling into place. Still no sight of my husband I keep asking about. When I asked for photos, or even mention the fact that I am married, everyone ignores it. 

As if I am crazy.

I had been in the hospital 3 months after my initial wake up. I had gained strength in my arms and some in my legs. I can use the walker short distances. I need assistance to go long ways. I managed to get into a small apartment next door to Kevin. He would check on me when he was off work, and when he was gone, Leighanne would come help out during the day. So I was not alone. 

My first night home, I wanted to call Brian and tell him where I was. I called the number but he never answered, the call went straight to voicemail. This wasn’t like him to not answer. He always told me that if I ever needed him, to call him and he would pick up no matter what. 

“Hayley are you going to be okay while I go to the store? I can cook us some dinner for your first night. First night of solid foods what do you say?” I agreed. “Sure, if you think it’s ok? I have a few phone calls to make anyway.”

Leighanne left her cell number for me in case I needed something. I decided to call Brian one more time once she left. He finally answered me. 

“Where are you?”  
“I'm down the street, did you make it home??”  
“Of course. It’s not like you to not be where I am when I am awake. You been around me for months. Why stop now?” Brian made it apparent to be noticed when I was awake. Just to be sure I was doing ok.

“I can come by tonight after your nurse leaves. I don’t want to disturb her sweetheart.” He was such a gentlemen. Very respectful. “Alright. She leaves around 9.” We told each other goodbye and I awaited Leighanne to come back with food. To occupy my time, I read the journal some more. 

“Dear Hayley, 

I miss you while I am away. I hope you miss me. Can you believe it? We will be getting married tomorrow. Do you think the boys will take me out for some crazy fun? I don’t even care. I would rather spend this night with you. As my future wife, I know that you will bring me more joy than anything that has ever brought me. Even music. I hope you sleep well my Queen. 

Love, your heart.”

I smiled. Whomever he may be, I hoped he was looking for me or knew that I was waiting on him. 

Minutes later, Brian appeared at the door. He had a key to get inside if I couldn’t reach the door right away. I wheeled myself slowly to the door and greeted him. “Hey.” As always he greeted me with a smile. “Afternoon love, listen, it’s going to storm tonight do you mind if I stay over?” It didn’t bother me, but my nurse would want to know who was here. Making sure they were not going to deter me from physical therapy.   
“Sure, I mean I can ask Leigh-”  
“She won’t mind. Cmon Hayley, I am not going to bite.” Flashing his sweet smile again, Brian handed me a rose. “A Queen should always be presented flowers.” 

I smiled. He said this every time he brought me flowers. “Thank you. But you know they will die here…” I followed Brian to my kitchen, surprisingly he knew where everything was. I had no clue as to I had only been here a few hours. 

“You know your way around already?” I asked watching him not hesitate in the kitchen. “Sure do. Just like any other kitchen I have shared.” 

I didn’t hang on every word. I was in fact getting sleepy. “I think it’s about that time, want to help me get ready for bed?” I asked him. Brian didn’t take no for an answer. As I was beginning to wheel myself towards my bedroom. Brian stopped me. “Wait, I have always wanted to try this.” In a second, he leaned down to pick me up as a husband picks up his new wife; slowing cradling me in his arms. He was strong. I giggled at the way he looked when he picked me up. “Heavy? Better not drop me.” I said as a joke. Brian walked up[ the little steps without any issues. “No of course not. This is second nature. Almost like I have done it before.” 

He talked to me as if he knew me. Even when I would ask he still wouldn’t tell me much. With my amnesia, I couldn’t remember a lot of things. I wish I could remember what place he had in my life.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I woke up sore. My head hurt. My throat hurt. I felt like crap. I sat up in bed. Brian was gone. The left side of the bed looked like it hadn't been slept in. I looked around the room. My chair was parked. My crutches were near the door. Phone on the charger. Next to it was a note. 

"Good morning love. I had to leave you but i'll be there tonight. Your nurse had the day off. Kevin will be there soon to check on you. Brian."

So I was by myself now. I picked up my phone to search for anything that could trigger memories. Photos, names, numbers. Anything. 

One contact caught my eye. "Brian's mom." So Brian was in my phone, and so was his mother? I decided to give a call. 

**rings**

An older woman answered the other side. "Hello? Hayley? How are you, dear?"

So she knew me. I stuttered. "I'm ok. How are you?"  
"God has his hands on your sweetheart. I am doing better than most days." Something told me she was smiling on the other end. And her smile was the spitting of Brian's.   
"How are you recovering?" She asked. Images of my own physical therapy played back in my mind. I could walk 20 steps. I could twist and turn. Bend down. Leg ups. I could write. And make fists. I can even get myself dressed. 

"Better. Brian has been a big help." I heard her sigh and then a sob. She fought through it. "Oh sweetheart he will always be around to help when you need it." But he is. What did she mean by that? Before I could ask, kevin appeared at my bedroom door. "Hey I have to go. Can I call you again later??" A small laugh escaped her and she spoke soft again. "Of course love. Talk to you soon." She hung up.

Before I could say anything to Kevin he broke my thoughts. "I'm sure she was glad to hear from you. How are you this morning?" I looked at the note but decided not to mention it. "Better. But I'm hurting some. Kevin had a bag in his hands. A white bag. "I picked up your medicine. Pain relief and some muscle relaxers. If you want to take them now. I know how big on medicine you are..your legs and some bones are healing slowly. This will help the spasms. "

I agreed and didnt argue. I didn't tell kevin Brian was coming over. Last time I mentioned his name he looked very irritated. "If you need me call me." Kevin left the medicine on the table.   
"Kev wait. Who are you to me? I mean. I know we know one another, but how." Kevin let out a breathe but didn't seem bothered. "When you're well enough. You'll remember. I don't want to upset you hayley. I promise it'll all come back soon."

And with that he left. 

A few hours had gone by and I had readjusted my phone. Journal and laptop. I didn't have the password to the laptop so I had to start a new account. I was left clear instructions about social media and contact through the internet. Too much overload could cause something in my memory bank. Based on the doctors notes. 

I was getting hungry. I wanted real food. I was tired of shakes and oatmeal. I wanted a burger. I picked up my phone and called Brian. First ring he answered. "Hey love. How are you feeling?"  
"Starving. Can you bring us some food? I can have at least a sandwich or something." The noise in the background sounded like an echo. 

"I'll be right there."

I decided to get into my chair wheel myself into the kitchen. Might as well. My upper strength was getting better, my legs however still shook when I stood up. I was advised to not stand without assistance. I could fall and hurt something. 

As I rolled down the hallway I noticed photos. But they were covered up. With a black sheet. I wasn't tall enough to reach so I didn't bother. When I reached my living room, Brian was just walking in with food. "Did kevin come by?"  
"Yea he left earlier. How was your day? Or whatever it is you do when you aren't with me."  
"Just work. No worries. I'm all yours now love."

He called me that as if he had been calling me that a long time. I felt better emotionally now that Brian was here. But my body still hurt. The food he brought, I threw it up instantly. I couldn't keep it down. Almost like my body was rejecting it. 

Brian made me a drink instead and took me back to my room. I wanted to know about the photos on the walls. "So. Should I ask you about the photos on the wall or should I ask kevin?" Brian lifted me up and sat me on the bed. As he sat next to me I noticed the look on his face. He looked sick. 

"Hey you don't look so good. Are you ok?" The color of his face looked gray. Almost like he was about to puke. He turned to me and smiled. "I'm fine love. Listen. I gave your nurse the night off. I won't be able to come by much anymore because I'm going away for a while so I want it to just be me and you." 

There were questions I needed answers to. "Brian, who are you. Stop playing this until I get better response. It's getting played out. I'm not feeling well and I'm tired. Kevin doesn't want to tell me, Jackie doesn't want to tell me-"

"You spoke to my mother?" Brian interrupted me.   
"Yes… she sounded so sad…"  
Brian nodded. "A lot has happened. Listen. I cant tell you everything but you'll know soon enough. I've been apart of your life for at least 10 years Hayley. We were really good friends. I loved you." 

Past tense. Loved? "Like you use to love me as in you don't anymore??" Brian smiled and I could see the pain in his eyes. He looked as if he was about to cry. "I want to tell you so much.. but I can't. Just know you are loved. And will always be loved."I felt a tear fall to my cheek. 

"Sounds like where you're going you won't be back…" the room was quiet. It was true..Brian would be leaving and I would never see him again.


	5. Chapter 5

Tonight was the worst night of my life. I was in a shortness of breath. My vision was blurry.. my entire body ached. I felt like death.. what was going on.

As I stayed positioned in Brian's arms, I wanted this pain to go away.

" I should take you to the hospital. " he said rubbing my back. Coaxing me to be calm. I felt as if something heavy had fallen on me. As if my body was breaking into pieces. 

"No I wont go to the hospital. I'll be fine." In between sobs I tried to get it together. "It'll be over soon love." Brian spoke softly in my ear. His voice was faint. Like an echo. 

I broke out into a sweat and started throwing up any and all fluids inside my body. Something was wrong. "Brian call kevin. Someone.. please!"

Brian didn't budge. It was like he didn't know what to do. "Someone is coming soon Hayley. You'll be fine. I love you." Brian reached down towards me and kissed my forehead. Covered in sweat and my body engulfed in pain. My vision began to go. I gripped Brian's hand as hard as I could before I knew my eyes were starting to close. My breathing started to slow. 

Was I dying?

Brian was there holding me the entire time. "Hang on. Someone is on the way. Be strong Hayley." His last words once again echoed in my ears as I faded away.

****

"C'mon Hayley wake up sweetheart. Wake up. Please."

I awoke back in the hospital. People in the room. I saw Kevin. Jackie, my sister and my mom. But Brian was missing.

I immediately tried to sit up but kevin reached for me. "Hold on lady. Where are you going. Calm down."  
"Where is Brian?" The room fell quiet again. Just like before when I would mention him. 

Jackie and my mother both grabbed my hands on each side of the bed. 

"Baby I am so sorry.. you were in an accident. You were thrown from the car… the car was on fire he was still inside. By the time he made it out his entire body was burned. Once we got to the hospital he managed to let us save you. He was a organ donor."

They both spoke to me with tears in their eyes. "You're joking…. I was just with him. He has been helping me recover. Physical therapy with the nurse… he stayed the night with me. He brought me a journal addressed to me from my husband…. Where is he by the way ??"

Kevin stepped up to the bed to aid to my mother and Jackie. He sat down in the chair. He had been crying also. "Hayley. You don't remember anything?" I shook my head.

"Where is Brian, kevin…" kevin did not speak. "I'll show you…"

Kevin managed to get me into a wheelchair and escorted me to the morgue. It was cold and gloomy. The man that worked there allowed us inside. "This is his wife...she wants to view his body."

I looked at kevin as he and the mortician spoke. What was he not telling me.

Kevin wheeled me up to a table with a sheet. He leaned down to where we were eye level. "Hayley. Brian wanted nothing more than for you to make it out of this accident. He only last 6 months. Complications of the fire and his injuries took him out. But every day he spoke to you… every day he wanted to be in your room."

I shook my head in disbelief. "NO kevin he was with me this morning and last night. At my apartment. We stayed the night..I couldn't eat the food… who is this on this table?"

Kevin pulled the sheet back and it didn't take me but q second for the reality to hit me. Brian was my husband.. I was in a coma.. he and I were together. I was the only one hurt. And he is dead.

"But...but kev he was HERE with me… I -"

"You've been in a coma for 6 months. He tried to hold on until you woke up. He died this morning… Hayley..he's gone."

I couldn't believe it. He was here with me one minute then he was gone the next. Stood up to take a better look. "You were serious when you told me you weren't coming back…. Why? Why didn't you tell me we were married. Why would you let me go those months without ever knowing you, being with you?" I was mad. Upset more than anything. Why would allow me to not know him."

The moment didn't become real until I touched his face. A load of emotions crashed on top of me. I couldn't stop. I held onto his hand for as long as I could. Kevin comforted me for the longest time. 

I'm not sure what happened. Was what happened a dream or was it really Brian coming to me everyday like he had before and the reason everyone wouldn't talk to me about Brian was because he was dead. 

As he came to me, he was telling me goodbye.. the night he stayed with me. Everything seemed so real. Even my pain from my accident. So why wouldn't he tell me the life we lived in my coma wasn't real? Everything was unanswered and unclear.


	6. Chapter 6

It's been 6 months since we laid Brian to rest. I still didn't know what my dream in my coma meant. I was able to go home to the apartment, just like in the dream except without a nurse. 

"What do you remember in your dream?" My therapist and I met 2 times a week. I needed someone to talk to other than kevin. "There was a mention of a baby but I never saw it."

Thinking back after I woke, kevin explained to me Brian and I went through a miscarriage. The 6 months without him were hard. I had a difficult time in remembering him but I needed his photos and anything he left behind. In his 6 months of recovery from injury up until his last entry Brian spoke about how much he wanted me to wake up. He felt his life slipping away and he wouldn't be able to get it back.

That's what he pretty much told me when I was in my coma. He would be going away and never coming back. Everyday I missed him. He kept a journal. Even before we were married. I kept them at my apartment when I would need something of him to help me sleep. Rather it was his journals, photos or even his songs. 

The death of a loved one is never easy. It hurts some days than others and then most days its harder to get out of bed. Knowing Brian and his spirit he would want me to live my life and celebrate. He gave me a gift. 2 kidneys and a heart. I healed up without complications. He made sure I was well off before he left me. 

He left me with a peace that he would always be around. That I would never have to question "why him." He did it for me. I'll thank him for that everyday for the rest of my life.


End file.
